THE BOG MUMMIES OF OREGON

The first mummy of a set christened Peat Man was unearthed in the vicinity of the great Klamath Marsh in Central Oregon during the winter of 1999.  Employees of the Deparment of Fish and Game made the astounding discovery while excavating the site of an abandoned Native American landfill.  It was wrapped in a shroud of unique pattern which has been subsequently dubbed the Cabela Weave.

Within weeks, a second specimen was unearthed by a local septic tank excavator near Agency Lake, Oregon, somewhat south of the first discovery.  This caused great consternation among the superstitious populace. Anthropologists were quickly summoned from the University of Oregon at Eugene. However, while the academics determined both mummies are of great antiquity, their origin remains a mystery.  The grisly discoveries have caused Southern Oregon real estate values to careen; expectant mothers are urged to flee the county to board with relatives while this matter remains under investigation; and residents have been cautioned to avoid drinking well water at all costs due to possible contamination.

Incredibly, in July, yet a third mummy was unearthed near Keno, Oregon, about seventy miles south of the first.  Teenagers celebrating Independence Day detonated an M-80 firecracker, and the resulting explosion created a small crater at the bottom of which a withered  arm could be seen protruding from the soil.  This specimen differed from the first two in that it appears to have been interred with the corpse of a small dog, a fact of possible ceremonial significance, particularly in that the dog apparently was deformed.